I was looking for a good post topic today and I think that I have found a juicy one. I found an article that was written by a white adoptive mother on how black women advise her on how to comb her black daughter’s hair. I first want to talk about the white/black adoption debate.
My background is in criminal justice and being so I worked in the courts for quite sometime. So, I handled CPS, adoption, and family court cases and saw a lot when it came to children. It seems that I hear and see so many posts, articles, and rants about whites adopting black children and how they should adopt their own. So, to end this first rant I say, “Stop judging based on your holier than though ideals of who should adopt black children”. If there is love in the home that is what many of these children need.
Now, on to the main topic. These same white families that adopt black children are unable to have children for whatever reason and want to give a child love. They have no idea the crap that they will endure in trying to raise a child in need of a family and love. The article that I read was titled, ” Dear Black Women Giving Me Hair Advice about My African Daughter: Please Stop”. She began by talking about her adoption of a baby from Africa, named Naomi. It is easily seen as you read on that she is in no way saying that she knows it all or does not need help or advice. But, the remarks and statements that she endures are typical of black women who do not think about what they say before they say it. She said that she started getting the look from black women almost immediately because the orphanage that her daughter came from shaved her hair off into a very small afro. This is her daughter now and I think she is very cute with her little braids. Her mother did a great job!
This is Angelina Jolie’s adopted daughter Zahara. Angelina received so much flack for “not combing her daughter’s hair”.
So why are we made at her for doing exactly what we have recently begun to do with our hair? Learning that it is beautiful in its natural state. Or if they allow their black daughter’s to rock something that some of us, like myself was born with (a curly little afro) and I don’t remember my mother saying that she got these looks. There was even one women that she said told her “Why do white people go to Africa, pick up kids, throw a headband on them, and think that’s okay?” I am sure based on her stories that none of these women were hair stylist. Why do we feel the need to address things such as the state of a black child’s hair when they have a white parent? Why do we not do the same when we see a black mother who has a child with so-called unkempt hair?
This is a serious topic because as black women we put a lot of time and money into our hair. But, ladies I must say that there are a large number of us that do not know how to maintain our own hair, let alone guiding someone else on how to style their daughter’s because she is the same race that we are. The black hair industry being a money-maker in the billions of dollar range is constantly growing thanks to Hollywood stars and their weaves and lace front wigs. That is not to say that they are horrible people because they are not natural. I always say to each his own. But, they have the money and stylist to keep their hair healthy and many of us do not. I have to say that if we knew that much about our own hair why do we give so much of our money to those who know nothing about our hair and care nothing about our hair? Yeah, I know we were conditioned to think that our hair was nappy, ugly, not acceptable. But, it is 2013 people. When you know better You Do Better, that is what Maya Angelou said. White parents that have never had or dealt with African-American hair do not know how to deal with it and must be taught. If you have not heard me say it before, my niece is bi-racial. She is half black and half Hispanic. My sister has no idea what to do with her hair, because her hair is textured much like her Hispanic father’s hair. I never saw or heard anyone tell my sister where the nearest salon was that did Hispanic hair?
This is her hair because she does not like to keep bows, headbands, or anything in her hair right now. She is only one and when she is old enough we plan on teaching her about her hair.
In the end the writer of the article said that she found a site called Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care. It is a site for white parents of black children. The site if really nice, very informative, and I must say that heck, some of the hair styles are better than I can do considering I have a daughter. The thing about the site if you visit is that you will notice that the creator and those that subscribe are really serious about their black daughters loving their hair and knowing their hair as well. I hate to say it but, many of us were not taught that it’s ok to love our hair in its natural state. Instead the perpetuation of black hair is bad hair is continued, even in our own homes (I know and understand that there are different connotations within different cultures). But I close by saying that I applaud these white parents one, for finding a child to love who they genuinely love no matter what. Second, I give them kudos for learning and understanding black hair and all its nuances. Third, I say keep teaching these little black girls how to love their hair the way it grows from their scalp. I ask black women to think before you speak, consider passing on some of this advice to your own as well as other races, and consider how you would feel if someone came at you that way about your daughter.
Leave your comment about white women with black daughters who get advice from black women on how to deal with their black daughter’s hair.